Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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