so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
