My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
