His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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