okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
