Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
