a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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