When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
