Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
