and you said cock pushups were impossible
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
