Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
