There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
