My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
