Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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