I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
