She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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