She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
