I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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