Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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