my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
