I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
