Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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