I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
