sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
