I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
