I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
