Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
