I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
