he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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