oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize