I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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