I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
