also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
