I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
