One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
