Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
