the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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