how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
