I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
