a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
