I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
