ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
