apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
