i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
