I think my vagina is haunted
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
