the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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