It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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