I accidentally had phone sex last night
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
