i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
