there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
