The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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