How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
