YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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