How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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