How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
