There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
